Giving Back

Memories are the glue that holds you together after losing someone you love. I wish to say thank you to the hundreds of people in the medical industry who helped to make those memories possible. I know that I will never be able to repay them for all they have done to give us four incredible years with Brody, but I'd like to try. We are excited to announce that we are planning a service project to donate items to Primary Children's Hospital, Gunnison Valley Hospital, and the Ronald McDonald House. We just want to do whatever we can to help out sick children and their families. We anticipate to donate twice a year, May 26 (Brody's birthday) and November 26 (around Thanksgiving). In order to gather things for Novembers donation, we are starting now. Unfortantely, we can not do it alone. Anyone who is interested in getting involved, please contact me by leaving a comment or by email at crazy_amie83@hotmail.com Here is a list of items we will be collecting for our donation:

Primary Children's Hospital (Ped ICU):
-Games: card, board, electronic
-Books: for reading levels infant to young adult
-Blankets: both fleece and non-fleece (none made entirely of red, it bleeds into other fabrics)
-Journals: notebooks decorated with fabric, scrapbook paper, ribbon and other embellishments
-Art Supplies: paper, washable markers, paints, glue, crayons, etc.

Ronald McDonald House Charities:
-Hygiene items: shampoo, body wash, toothbrush, tissue paper, etc.
-Cleaning supplies: laundry detergent, disinfectants, dish soap, paper towels, etc.

Gunnison Valley Hospital:
-Blankets: both fleece and non-fleece of any color to be donated to children at the hospital
-Toys: for both infants and young children

Zoo, Temple Square, & The Mayan

Last Saturday we took a trip up to Salt Lake with Joss' family. We started out at the zoo. Then we went to Temple Square and then ended the day at the Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was so much fun! We all went home utterly exhausted, but it was a good time! Here are a few pics from our day:

Kaybri Jo striking a pose in Temple Square

Joss and Kaybri hanging out with a gorilla














Me and Kaybri taking a break from the heat





Joss' sister Trista and her boyfriend Scott near the zoo entrance











Joss' sister Tandi and brother Skylar accompany Kaybri on the zoo carousel

Sweet Memories

Adapting?

Last night I was very sad as I started thinking that I might be adjusting to only having one child in the home. Afraid that I was getting used to only dressing one child. Only washing one child's clothes. Only kissing one child goodnight. I hate thinking that I am adapting!! I'd give anything to be up 5x night giving medications or starting the Cars DVD over again. However, this morning as the alarm went off, I began to head for Brody's room to check on him like I used to do each and every morning. I didn't get as far as the hallway when I realized his room is empty. Not a bedroom but more like a shrine of what used to be. The bed and blankets are still on the bed from 7 weeks ago. His wheelchair, pictures, and toys on display around the room. From my bedroom doorway, I quickly realized that I couldn't see that familiar glow of his TV screen from down the hall. Or hear the rhythmic sound of the ventilator. Just cold, dark silence. It was in that moment that I realized that I will never adapt to his absence. And that's okay with me. I've said it before-- if losing the pain means I have to lose the memory, I'll keep the pain forever.

Difficult Days Bring Storms of Tears

This past week has been especially difficult for me. Wednesday marked 6 weeks since Brody died and the day also brought more bad news. We discovered that a family member has a potentially serious illness. Out of respect to this person and at their request, I will not discuss this in any more detail. The following days brought a lot of tears. Tears for Brody. I've found that I can not fight the tears off. I wept like a baby in church a couple weeks ago for no reason whatsoever. Another time I was in Wal Mart and just began to bawl as I stood next to the bath towels. Again, with no association to anything in particular. Yesterday had to be the worst. We were role playing in our Sunday School class (Marriage and Family Relations). We saw the chair that had "Death of a Loved One" posted on it and was careful to avoid that seat. As the role playing went forward, the topic soon turned to loss of a child and all eyes were on Joss and I. We began to cry. Joss stood up and excused himself from the room. I remained there in heavy tears as people talked about us and to us. It was totally harmless and was not meant to be directed at us, but it just went that direction. It was difficult to handle. But I am really appreciative of the members in that class who helped us to let our emotions show. We went straight to the cemetery after church and wept. Kaybri ran around chasing butterflies next to Brody's grave. Thank heavens for her! She helps keep us going. We love her and Brody so much and always will!