Monday, November 23, 2009

The Song

As most of you know, I work as a 911 Dispatcher. Arguably one of the hardest professions due to the often upsetting nature of the calls. I think anyone in this line of work has to be strong emotionally but also very empathetic. This being said, I do not rattle easily. I very rarely cry for any reason whatsoever to the point I often wonder if I am emotionally vacant. But I guess every person has their breaking point. This was mine...



I was at work a few nights ago. We had CNN playing on the TV in the background as usual. It was a particularly slow moment so I was quietly looking through some things on my computer. Then I hear this song....

This particular song is one that I had never heard in my life until the day before Brody passed away. It fit every aspect of my emotions at the time. Enough so that we used it as part of his slide-show video to be used at his funeral. I listened to this song a few times shortly thereafter but I'm not sure I have listened to it in a years time....

That's when I realized that this commercial on TV was playing THAT SONG. My Brody's song. And like nothing I have encountered in the 18 mo since his death.... It brought it ALL back! The 4 yrs of his life. His sweet face and his determination to overcome life's struggles... to the day we performed CPR on him ... to have him be revived only to have to discontinue life support some 30 days later.

As I sat there at work, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. I quickly blew it off and carried on without saying a word or shedding a tear, but I have to say-- it hurt. A LOT!!! Like nothing I have experienced since his death. I guess subtle reminders are to be expected but I was shocked at how it struck me. I think maybe I've tried to suppress some things and to be so strong emotionally that I might have forgotten how it all felt during the final days of his life.

And as that song broke the silence, it all came rushing back. If only for a moment, I remembered exactly who I am and what my family has overcome. I was reminded of the moments and circumstances that made me who I am today. There is a plaque above the fireplace in my home that reads "because I knew you I have been changed for good".



I am eternally grateful to my sweet angel Brody for being such an inspiration to so many people and for all that he has helped me to become. I love you, buddy! And as the song says "I miss you"